Conflicts are scary, stressful and energy depleting, and it seems we only know how to make them worse. Conflicts occur when people are not seen, heard, understood or accepted as they are, causing safety and trust issues to arise. Safety and trust are at the root of a healthy relationship, and without them relationships breakdown.
CPR for Relationships shows how to establish safety and trust so both sides can move toward understanding. Understanding leads to compassion and brings both sides together as they see each other as human beings, not adversaries. Creating a common goal unites people as they realize they need each other to manifest that shared vision.
If you’re experiencing tension, mistrust and unhealthy communication in a relationship, you have a conflict that needs addressing. When you can penetrate the heart and mind of a person, magic can occur. Foes become friends, spouses become closer, and organizations run more smoothly.
Testimonials for CPR for Relationships
Mixing personal experience as a holistic healer with real-life examples of conflict in everyday life, Sho Aoyagi has written a book that is at once a guide to mental wellness and a contribution to the study of conflict resolution. The skills described in this book, used consistently over time, will lead to improved relationships and the benefits that arise from them. This is an important and valuable work.
Founder, The Dui Hua Foundation
Human Rights Campaigner
MacArthur Fellows Award recipient
The world is crying out for people to learn the art of reconciliation. Sho Aoyagi provides a much needed tool for our moving away from vendetta to compassionate liberation.
The Very Reverend Alan Jones
Dean of Grace Cathedral, San Francisco, California
Author of Soul Making and Living the Truth
While conflict is a normal part of everyday life, Sho Aoyagi’s seven steps for resolving conflict and working through it with compassion is invaluable for our personal wellbeing. His practical approach based on careful reflection of his own experiences and years of working with others is also extremely useful for the workplace. CPR for Relationships helps remove barriers and builds understanding between colleagues and co-workers.
Dr. Paul Forage
Professor of Peace and Humanitarian Services
Florida Atlantic University
I ... found [CPR for Relationships] to be lucid and valuable for those seeking better ways to relate and resolve differences. By focusing on skills and steps, you simplified what often feels daunting to those in the midst of conflict. You certainly deserve congratulations for pulling all of this together in such a neat package. One of the commendable aspects of your work is that it applies to both personal and professional situations.
Patti M. Marxsen
Boston Research Center for The 21st Century
International Peace and Justice Institute
I spent eleven years as an elected member and Budget Chairman of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, arguably one of the most controversial legislative bodies in the nation. Most of our work concerned conflicts between people over issues. If CPR for Relationships was available at that time, we would have had a great source of useful insights on causes and events that would have helped us serve the people better.
Former San Francisco City Supervisor
... CPR for Relationships provides all its readers with an opportunity to change [ people’s relationships ] and by implication can profoundly improve the quality of their lives. It is couched in terms that are easily understood, and are relevant to all age groups. I have seen Sho Aoyagi lecture and teach a wide variety of people, and every time he has touched their core. I include myself amongst them.
Director of The Institute for Humanitarian Action
Former Liaison for NATO and The Media
CPR for Relationships is an original and insightful look at relationships. I recommend it for anyone who wants to improve a relationship--which I suspect is each of us.
Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Grinnell College
Adjunct Professor of Law, Georgetown Law Center
Countless positive experiences have shown me that these tools and skills have far-reaching benefits: they improve relationships by building trust on a day-to-day basis and can help resolve even the most intractable conflicts.
Freelance Newspaper Journalist
Radio Correspondent for the BBC, Radio Scotland and Radio Ireland
Sho Aoyagi has written an important and original book not only about the resolution of conflicts, but, importantly, about relationship building. He proposes a process which takes us from conflict to resolution, largely through the creation of genuine compassion and shared vision. He coaches us to think big, find what we would like to create in life, what would describe a greater goal beyond the conflict at hand, and work to discover where common ground may lie. Offering practical recommendations and useful case studies, he demonstrates how to relate proactively to reach new understanding and appreciation for ones partner, friend or co-worker. This book takes a much discussed topic and offers new perspectives that can help all of us strengthen our relationships and find new meaning in our lives.
Founding Partner, Bingham, Osborn and Scarborough, LLC
[CPR for Relationships’] teachings offer an original and innovative look at conflict resolution by focusing on the one thing we all need to survive: relationships. Sho Aoyagi’s straightforward writing style makes it simple to apply his teachings to a myriad of conflicts in everyday life. I find myself using the tools and skills when confronted by opposing counsel, which helps me concentrate on their concerns rather than formulating a rebuttal. As a result, our interactions have become less adversarial and more constructive.
Attorney at Law