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Dance as though no one is watching you, love as though you
have never been hurt before, sing as though no one can hear
you, live as though heaven is on earth.
- Souza
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info@fiercefirststep.com
415.294.4451
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Q
& A
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A column addressing relationship, work
and life purpose questions. To submit your own question
email Sho and Tamara at info@fiercefirststep.com
(all inquiries are confidential).
| I’m
frustrated and seriously thinking of leaving my husband.
We fight constantly and neither of us is willing to
back down. Arguments often end when one of us crosses
the line and says something extremely hurtful. We’ve
been hurting each other emotionally for a long time
and I’m afraid it’s to late to repair the
damage that’s been done. |
--Susan
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| Power-struggles
will exist as long as you place your need to be right
over the desire for a healthy, loving relationship.
To end these no-win conflicts put your pride aside and
commit to deepening your relationship.
You
can start by acknowledging your role in the conflict
without saying what he’s doing wrong. Next, have
the courage to state your true feelings underneath
the conflict (such as sadness due to not feeling loved,
accepted or valued, or it might be due to a fear of
losing him). It’s vital to do this without using
attacking language. For example, “I’ve been
withdrawn lately because we haven’t been connecting.
I’m scared of losing you yet I get angry when
I perceive I’m not loved. I understand that work
is causing a lot of stress and I want to support you.
But it’s difficult when work frustrations are
directed at me. It causes me to become defensive.
I love you and I’m committed to working this
out.”
Sharing
your human side and speaking only of your emotional
truths and issues doesn’t come across as a threat.
It allows him to stay open and develop a sense of
compassion. Arguing, defending or debating your point
of view causes him to see you as an adversary.
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--Sho
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My boss
is a micromanager. Every time we meet I have to return
with more information and it delays any progress towards
completing a project. I am extremely frustrated and
losing patience.
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--Robert
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| Managing up is one of the most
important techniques to master in business. Preparation
is key and often overlooked in daily interactions with
managers and colleagues alike. When you meet with your
boss, do you report data or frame the issue and propose
a solution? Managers can get overwhelmed with extraneous
information or request further data if they do not understand
the issue at hand. Your role is to provide a context
to understand the issue and keep it simple. Make it
as effortless as possible for your boss to trust your
judgment and give you the green light. A vital part
of preparation is to anticipate what questions and concerns
may arise. In addition, put yourself in your managers’
shoes when evaluating business risks and considering
the big picture.
Proposing a new idea or
any change is often more challenging than it seems
because of the personalities involved. Be aware of
your colleagues’ egos and identify how to leverage
what is currently working well now. This is particularly
important if your proposal may be interpreted as a
criticism of others’ work. Sometimes, sharing
stories and analogies to emphasize a point will make
it less threatening to your manager and colleagues.
Also, remember that perception is reality with interpersonal
interactions in business. Your responsibility is to
communicate in a clear, professional, and cooperative
manner.
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--Tamara
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